I crave creation, I soak in constant inspiration.
I feel compelled to soar to heights I’ve never before reached.
I dream of floating on a pink cloud through the air, but then I wake up.
I’m shipwrecked, unable to speak, think, contain my anxiety demon.
I stumble and stutter and sputter evil selfish thoughts and desires best left inside my savage skull.
I ponder treatments, reasons, remedies.
I pray and recognize my fallibility and feel the weight of a thousand elephants on my chest.
I am petty, penniless, positively perplexed.
How to break out of this oyster, emerging a beautiful, yet flawed pearl.
To bring in residuals and still have a purpose for waking up in the morning.
To shatter all expectations and foul presumptions.
I feel like I am standing on a bluff with only a deep navy blue ocean below and black rocks jutting, jarring, threatening me.
My only options are slim, yet my potential energy and payoff is so great.
The crops I wish to farm are waiting for my tender hand.
I crave to make a masterpiece out of a mundane and hopeless home.
I want to be surrounded with inspirational pictures and be spurred to constantly create new ways to survive that make me a better human, Catholic, girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend.
I want to get out of my comfort zone in a fully sober state of mind.
I want to banish the evil monsters that drag me down and seek only to defeat me and deafen my heartbeat.
I want my pulse to be a beautiful song, a ray of radiance and magnificent light that cannot be dimmed.
I wish to spread my gifts and talents with the world.
Too long, I have lent my hand to meaningless projects and hidden in a cove of blankets and pillows, ignoring life, hoping it would just pass my wild, sloth-like self by and skip over considering me anything but dead.
But now I wish to walk in confidence and spread happiness to others and in turn, myself and my loved ones.
I trust God will provide when the time is right.
I want to play music, dance, write, sing, have meaningful conversations with lyricism and rhythm that never quits.
God wants me to be my joyous self and spread my talents instead of burying them.
If there is no investment, there is no return.
I must fight for knowledge, justice, and wisdom.
I must trust His Will and get out of my own way.
I am loved. I trust that if I follow the Way the Truth and the Light that one day, my vision of falling softly and peacefully through angels’ and saints’ arms will come to fruition and I will succeed in fulfilling His Mission for me.
Make me an instrument of Your Peace.
I hope to be considered a handmaiden of the Lord and have it be done unto me according to His Will.
Only then shall I achieve purity, happiness, and peace, which I can spread to the world.
My God, I am your humble servant and I trust in Your Way.

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