I’m a fairy who sees an ogre in the mirror.
I’m a sailboat that floats like a cargo ship.
I’m an angel whose halo burned too brightly, it set fire to my face.
Now I observe the devil in my eyes, my skin, veins, tongue.

The winter evaded my desire for icy conditions outside,
yet a mere toothpick could shatter my frozen heart trapped inside my brittle rib cage.
Baby, won’t you admit it? That I’m a deviant worthy of an untimely death?

I push and shove, yet the weight won’t budge.
Withering in reality, but in my mind’s eye,
I’m corpulent as they come.

I copulate with the serpents, incurring venomous intent.
All these rattle snakes warn me, yet still, I solicit the darkness.
My love for life is inferior to my lust for passion.
Poltergeists and ghosts infest my home.
My temple is crumbling like an ancient work of art.

I held your comatose hand in the hospital hoping for a sign of cognizance to flash across your face, but only my tears seared your flesh, and only my mother kept me from staying with you.
It happened so suddenly.

We had just seen each other on my parents’ front porch.
I was angry and I stormed off without a farewell, not knowing I’d never get to hear your voice again.
I’m so apologetic. I wish I was normal, if only for your sake.
Maybe I could have saved you, been the daughter you always wanted.

Now with every birthday comes a funeral,
And every deserving being who has passed on deserves a proper sendoff.
You were deprived of such, or maybe my selfish mind has convinced me that funerals and caskets aren’t simply to honor the dead.

Your name brings water to my eyes, memories of you cause me to erupt in misery, but that’s nothing new. You’re the only one
I lose my breath and the pent-up emotions shake me like an earthquake.
How could you leave us so soon?
I never got to make you proud, I’ll never get to now.
I’m a monster in sheep’s clothing, and I’m failing you miserably.

One day, I’ll accept myself, and accept love into my existence.
Some day, I’ll be content, and some day, I’ll see you again.
And you’ll be smiling, swollen with pride.
You’re my angel now… I will honor your life one day and you’ll smile.
I’ll smile, one day.


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